Sunday, May 15, 2011

I've had a hard past couple of years.

Infidelity in marriage upturned my world. It hurt. It made me depressed. It made me mad.
Wayne and I had been married for 6 years when it hit. I was at my parent's home for their 50 year anniversary. A month after that, my father got ill and was rushed to the hospital in New Mexico. My husband and I decided for me to stay in Mason while he worked to save some money. Little did I know, he had already met her.

During the next 6 months, life was tough for me. I reverted into myself. The kids basically raised themselves. Thanksgiving came and went. No memory of it. By Christmas, I had secured employment as a traveling Reimbursement Consultant for a local (not-so-local) long-term care company. He finally came on Christmas Eve to give the kids their presents and to pretend to be a happy family once again. It only made things worse for me every time he left.

New Years Eve went off as a blast. With my bestie and me just hanging out at the house.

By the middle of January, I stopped all communication with him. He had the home phone number, but if he called, the kids answered and I didn't speak to him. I changed my cell number, and he did not have it. I was done. I borrowed the money from my Mom for the divorce lawyer. She graciously gave me the money, and the divorce papers were drawn up.

By Valentine's Day, he was calling to say he was coming home. He had a great change of heart and wanted his family back. He came home. All was good. For a month.

By March, he was calling her again. He left and went back to Dallas.

 Before that, I sent an email to my family. They were getting into the habit of talking ill of Wayne and my decision to accept him back. So, I sent the email, asking them to stop. That email, apparently, sent riffs throughout the family. That Saturday morning, after Wayne packed his belongings back up and left, my father showed up. He was the only one with enough respect for me to confront me on the email. Although he 'couldn't believe that I would take them for granted like this.' and 'they raised those kids like they were they're own'. What wasn't said was I love you anyway and we will get through it. What wasn't said was by 'those kids' he meant Tyler and Kristen.

April; he was back home just in time for our 7th wedding anniversary. New boundaries were set between he and I. New goals were set for our marriage.
We have been back together since that April....2 years ago.

Enter; teenage angst and loss of freedom....
I was still working on the road as a consultant. Some trips, Wayne went with me. Tyler, Kristen and Kolby stayed at Oma's house for school. While there, they had no limitations on what they could do.

Many altercations were to follow. Female teenage attitude is one to be reckoned with. But, alas, my mom said...I had to put up with it from all 3 of you, from my 1st granddaughter and now Kristen. I think this would be the one and only thing that my 2 sisters and I could agree on. We did not speak to our parents the way that Kristen spoke to Wayne and me. It hurts when your child spouts ugliness at you like you're a nobody. In our house, as with many others, I have heard, Mom gets the up-most respect, and if you don't give it, Wayne will have something to say about it. I will stand by the fact 100% that my husband did not and does not beat my kids. I am not a mom who will allow it. I don't understand how my family can think that little of me. CPS was called. CPS had nothing to say. At first, they wanted the older kids to go for counseling, but even that was dropped. The whole case was dismissed. Wayne's for abuse and mine for accessory to abuse. That's right, accessory to abuse. Whoever called CPS, told the CPS caseworker that they didn't want me involved because of my nursing license. Newsflash people, they don't let a women get off scott-free if her spouse is beating her kids! Newflash: they don't just take 2 kids out of a home when there are four. They would have taken all four of my kids. My question is: would my family have been available to take the little boys? I'm really not so sure of the answer to that, since the little boys have a daddy. Hmmm.....in their opinion, an abusive daddy, but a daddy nonetheless. Makes no sense to me.

Teenage angst: Woe is me, I have chores. Woe is me, I am grounded for disrespect, or not being home on time. Sound familiar? It should. Any parent with any backbone or conscious would have done the same thing.

Kristen became pregnant around August of 2010. Mixing pregnancy hormones with teenage hormones is a lethal combination. She didn't do anything that Kristen didn't want to do. Doesn't fly with Wayne. So, Kristen moved out to live with a friend for about a month until I had to file her as a runaway to get her back home. But, before that happened, Tyler decided on his 17th birthday, he just wouldn't come back home. He went to live with Oma and Papa. Didn't tell me, didn't get his belongings, wimped out. Now, he drives an early 2000 model Mustang with no license.

During this whole time, Wayne had been working side work to make a living. I quit working as a consultant in March 2010. He applied to every and any job listed or found through hear-say with no avail. Just on a whim, in December of 2010, he applied to a maintenance position offered at Comanche County Medical Center. December 31,2010, we were moving to Brownwood. By the end of January, we moved again, this time to Comanche. Kristen was with us at the time. Pregnant and missing her friends and boyfriend. Begging to move back to Mason. So, I caved. I told her she could move back to Mason, only if her and bf get married. That, my dear friends, is a cross I will have to bear for the rest of my life.

April 2011 my granddaughter was born. She is beautiful. I love her.

All is good. Kolby has finished 2nd grade in home school. Riley is still wild, but he is great! Tyler, Kristen and Brooklynn all live with my parents. Hurts to no end to get 'disowned' by your parents and your first 2 kids. I am a survivor, and I will get back to myself.

God is on my side. He is truly the only father/counselor I need. My husband is on my side. He is the only Earthly man I need. I have Kolby and Riley. They still love their mother unconditionally. They still believe mommies can fix anything. They don't get to see their grandparents, but that is not a decision made by me. Maybe one day, everyone will see the pettiness of their ways. Maybe one day, we will be a family again. Only God has the answer for that, and only God knows why they reacted the way they did. Sacrifice one to save the herd, maybe? Only problem is, they sacrificed 3.

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